I hold out my hand, grasping, reaching,
Needing someone to hold it, grasp it.
A warm hand encloses it, squeezes it,
Let's me know they'll be there, always.
The reppition of the word grasp in the first and second line ruins the flow of the stanze from the beginning. It throws me, at least, off. maybe use a different word
Knowing someone will hld it, squeeze it.
Probably just a typo but I wanted you to know you spelled hold wrong.
A familiar hand slots into place, easy,
I think slides in to place sounds better than slots into place. slots doesn't really make much sense, to me, and it flows better with slides.
OverAll: I love the range of emotions. Awesome job. Um there should be more varity in word choice even though the repition is important also. It's like walking a fine line in a circus.
But keep up the good work and dont slip:)
-Tiffany
Points: 368
Reviews: 456
Donate