Hi, this is my first post in a while for many reasons, so I'll appreciate any helpful comments and obviously I may be slightly rusty. Enjoy !
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I hold out my hand, grasping, reaching,
Needing someone to hold it, grasp it.
A warm hand encloses it, squeezes it,
Let's me know they'll be there, always.
I hold out my hand, offering, waiting,
Knowing someone will hld it, squeeze it.
A familiar hand slots into place, easy,
To reassure in times of need, ever present.
I hold out my hand, expectant, patient,
Waiting for someone to hold it, tight.
My hand grips air, no hand, to hold,
To help, to calm, to hold me, invariably.
I hold out my hand, grabbing, searching,
Wanting anyone to hold it, take it.
My hand is cold, no hand, to grasp it,
To comfort me when I'm lost lost, and lonely.
I hold out my hand, desperate, scared.
Won't anyone hold it, grasp it, touch it?
A new hand reaches out, grabs it, takes it.
Letting me know that its going to be all right.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
The reppition of the word grasp in the first and second line ruins the flow of the stanze from the beginning. It throws me, at least, off. maybe use a different word
Probably just a typo but I wanted you to know you spelled hold wrong.
I think slides in to place sounds better than slots into place. slots doesn't really make much sense, to me, and it flows better with slides.
OverAll: I love the range of emotions. Awesome job. Um there should be more varity in word choice even though the repition is important also. It's like walking a fine line in a circus.
But keep up the good work and dont slip:)
-Tiffany
This is a really interesting sequence of emotions. The ending was actually kind of sad for me. I didn't like that it was a new hand. What happened to the first hand? Why did it abandon the speaker? I felt that the poem set the speaker up for another betrayal. What I mean to say is, since the first hand didn't stay, why should I believe the new hand will stay?
This kind of bothers me because you introduce "a warm hand", and then refer back to it as "they". But the "they" would be the person, not the hand. It doesn't agree.Grasp - 4
Squeeze - 2
Hold - 12
Grab - 2
I know that repetition is important in this poem, but the word choice becomes really stale.
Is "slots into place" a normal expression? It doesn't make sense to me. I think you mean something like "slips into place".
I don't think you need the comma after "hand" in the first line. And the word "invariably" is too long here. It's out of place.
Again, I don't think the comma after "hand" is necessary.
"Its" should be "it's". I think this is a weak last line. Kind of boring.
So, good emotions in this piece. Overall, maybe it's not that original or new. (I'm sorry! I hate when people tell me that.) I enjoyed reading it.
-rachel